Chapter 3: Put your arms around me
“How do you do it J?”
“Do what?” I chuckle, although I know exactly what Lucas is talking about.
“You know,” he says with a smirk, gesturing with his head to the blonde barfly to my left.
The blonde who has been eye fucking me for the past twenty minutes.
I get it. Girls like me, they always have. But what they like, it’s all on the outside, and it’s growing old-fast.
Being a singer in a band has its perks, and I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, as I get my fair share of girls. But it’s just so mindless and repetitive, and fucking… sad.
I am yet to experience the euphoria that one gets, just by being in the same room as the person who has captured them. Those relationships you see or read about, you know the ones, the ones where you think, ‘How do they fucking do it? How do they know the person they’ve chosen is the right one for them?’ Do those relationships even exist?
I’d like to think they do, because if not, it’s going to be a long lonely road for me.
That profound connection with another being sounds fucking daunting, but it also sounds incredibly cool. And deep down I want that. I want something I can call my own. I want the type of connection with someone which consumes you- mind, body and soul.
All I’ve experienced is meaningless sex with the same type of girls, and their faces just blur into one.
That’s the reason why I keep going back to Indie. She’s familiar, and flaws and all, she accepts me for who I am. I am using her just as much as she is using me, and no, that doesn’t make it right, but it beats losing a slither of my soul with each new girl I take into my bed.
“Go talk to her,” Lucas smirks, nudging me in the ribs with his elbow, snapping me out my thoughts.
“No thanks,” I reply, taking a sip of my beer. “I’d rather sit here and not catch an STD.”
Lucas laughs loudly as he shifts in his chair. “Fair call, although you know, being the lead singer kinda means you gotta keep the groupies happy,” he says with a wink.
Yanking at my long hair, which is something I do when I am frustrated, I decide to be all for the over share, and tell Lucas how I’m feeling.
“It’s growing old Lucas,” I confess, tapping my fingers on the beer bottle in front of me.
“I want more. I’m sick of the same ole same ole, ya know? I just want someone I can come home to, and her love me for me, flaws and all,” I say, cringing when I realise how much of a pussy that makes me.
“Naw, sweet bro. I didn’t realise you checked your balls at the bar,” Lucas teases, but he understands, as he’s found his someone to grow old with.
Laughing, I playfully slap him on the back of the head.
“Excuse me? We’re really not talking about balls are we? I mean the last I checked, yours were rolling around in V’s purse.”
Lucas cackles, and I notice the blonde storm off in a huff, obviously disappointed her blatant attempt of flirting just went up in a ball of flames.
“Tease all you want J, but she is the one,” Lucas says with conviction.
Leaning back in my seat, I raise an eyebrow, incredulous.
“Yeah man, I am going to marry that girl.”
I nearly choke on my beer, but I don’t say anything because I am so fucking happy Lucas has found his forever and a day.
And I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever find mine.
“How’d you know she’s the one?” I ask curiously, as I don’t understand how he can be so sure about something.
“I just do,” he replies with his boyish smile. “You just know bro,” he adds when I remain quiet.
Nodding, my long bangs fall over my brow, shielding my eyes. And I like that they remain hidden, because Lucas would be able to see how much of a sap I am otherwise.
“There she is,” Lucas says ecstatically, pushing back his chair, the legs scrapping on the floor.
“Who?” I ask without really looking, as I am still lost in Lucas’ comment of finding, ‘The One.’
“The love of my life,” he replies over his shoulder, as he takes off quickly.
The high pitch squeal indicates that he is talking about V, as the girl has absolutely no shame, and I love that about her.
I decide I will let them have their moment, as I know a lot of making out will follow, and I’d rather not witness that-again.
But for some reason I am drawn to look, and when I do, I know why.
There she is.
I can’t help but think how ironic Lucas’ words were when he said, “There she is, the love of my life.”
It’s ironic because I think… I have just found mine.
Standing off to the side uncomfortably is someone who takes my breath away. I sit up taller so I can get a better look at her, and because she’s so tiny, she is swallowed up into the sea of people around her. But no matter how many people are in the room, no one exists but her.
I need to talk to her, and I find myself itching to launch out of my seat, and approach her like a total creep. But I grip onto the arms of the chair, not wanting to scare her off, and instead, just watch her.
Who am I kidding?
I don’t have a choice, she has compelled me.
Her beautiful brown eyes dart away from the very PDA in front of her, and she looks over at the wall like it is the most interesting thing in the world.
“Ava!” V yells.
She has a name.
I have heard V speak about an Ava, but surely this can’t be she, as V failed to mention she is the most beautiful thing in the world.
“Ava!” V shouts again, and I watch Ava’s full lips twitch into a smile, obviously humoured by her friend’s enthusiasm as she waves her over.
Nothing else exists in this moment but her. The way she looks, the way she smiles, the way her womanly body moves like a total minx.
I need to know her like I need to breathe.
I know I am staring, but I can’t help it, and I watch in fascination as she slowly walks over to where Lucas and V are cuddling. She looks embarrassed, and my heart picks up the pace as she gets closer to me.
I have never been so intrigued by someone before. There is something more to her, behind her innocent eyes, there is something deeper, something that has bewitched me, and I am more than willing to be under her spell.
My brain is screaming at me to stop staring at her, but I am powerless, I am her slave, and I fucking surrender.
She flicks her eyes to meet mine, and I’ve just experienced a miracle, because the sparks that fly between us, are lighting up the whole room. Cocking my head to the side, I run my fingers through my hair, because right now, all I can think about is running them all over her delicious body.
Our eyes stay connected, my cerulean eyes vs. her beautiful brown eyes, and I can feel she is as intrigued by me, as I am by her. I notice her trip, and fuck being discreet, I leap out of my seat to help her, wanting to be her champion.
But V gets there first, and I realise I am still staring and standing rigidly like a complete idiot, so I duck behind a couple at the bar, making out. I can still see her through their messy union, but I know she can’t see me. As her wise eyes scan the bar, I wonder, is she looking for…me?
Man up Jasper, I whisper to myself. She’s just a girl, go talk to her.
As Lucas draws her into his arms, a caveman instinct roars through my entire being, and my body demands I go over there and claim her because, she’s…mine.
As I make my way to where they stand, my heart is pounding frantically against my ribcage, and my palms are clammy as all hell.
Holy shit- is this what it feels like?
I ignore the voice in my head telling me to stop and turn around, because this girl is going to ruin me.
But I need to know her.
Reaching V’s side, I nearly choke when Ava meets my eyes, and gasps. Her full wet mouth is parted, and her intense eyes are seeking out every part of me. She feels it too. The way her chest is rising and falling choppily, and the way she bites her plump bottom lip, she knows that this, whatever this is, is reciprocated.
V also can feel whatever is going on between us, and smirks at me.
“Hey Jasper, what’s up?”
Ava’s eyes dart between V and I, and I can’t help the small smile tugging at my lips as she looks like she is about to murder her friend.
Trying to appear nonchalant, I reply with a shrug, “Ah not much, just chilling before the show. Who’s this?” I ask, nodding my head toward the Goddess in front of me.
Her cheeks blaze a bright red, and God damn if that is not the sweetest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Some discretion is probably the right thing to do, but fuck that, I need to know her.
“Oh Jasper, this is my best friend who recently moved back from Singapore after a bad break-up, and is currently single, this is Ava.”
The smirk that spreads from cheek to cheek can’t be stopped, as I know V is up to her usual meddlesome self, and the look on Ava’s face is quite comical. But inside, a rage is burning so deep at the mention of her going through a bad break-up. I am going to break that motherfucker’s legs. He is obviously gay, as no one would willingly break up with someone as mind blowing as her.
But suddenly Ava’s smile disappears, and I feel like the room has been thrown into complete darkness. I watch her eyes descend, and her lower lip tremble, as if she is thinking about a horrible, painful memory. And then the vulnerable girl standing in front of me puts on a brave face, and meets my eyes once again.
What was that? There is more to her than she is letting on. And I need to find out what.
Speak to her you dummy.
“Well it’s a pleasure meeting you Ava, I’m Jasper. I have heard a lot about you,” I say.
I lick my upper lip as my mouth has grown dry, and my throat is about to close over when I see her eyes follow the movement with heated attention.
Why is a stranger making me feel like I am twelve years old again?
“Hi Jasper, I’m Ava,” she replies nervously, and I can’t help but break out into the biggest grin because she is just so damn adorable.
I know she is scolding herself for her reply, and I have this bizarre urge to take her into my arms and never let go.
My eyes are going to town on her sexy lithe body, and I feel my pants twitch in excitement, wanting to see that sexy lithe body naked.
I can’t stop staring at her, and am so conflicted with my reaction to her. The connection between us is instant, and the air is charged with a sexual static which makes no sense.
‘What can you offer a girl like this?’ a little voice whispers, but that voice can go to hell because I have to at least try with her. Now that I’ve met her, I’m done for.
I vaguely hear my name being called, but I can’t focus on anything other than her.
“J?” Lucas asks.
His comment stuns me, as nothing else exists but her.
I gotta get out of here, before I do something insane, like smash my lips to hers, and scare her away.
“Nah man all good, I have to warm up for the show anyway. It was a pleasure meeting you Ava; I hope to see you around soon.”
Allowing myself one final look, I memorize her face because I know once I turn my back, I will think of nothing but it.
Walk away you idiot, I tell myself and don’t know how, but I manage my feet to move, and head toward the backstage area. My whole body is screaming at me to turn around-just one more look! One more look!
And when I give in, giving her a glance over my shoulder, I see her blush, and my body reacts by kicking me in the guts, screaming… MINE. MINE. MINE.